Decisions, Decisions: Tired Of Playing Second Fiddle

This post has been a long time in the making, I was never sure if I wanted to broadcast such emotions but after the situation has come to light i feel its time. They say never mix business with pleasure but sometimes the journey that you start out on leads you in another direction. I am the poster child for "Say What You Mean, And Mean What You Say" with that being said I should take my own advice. 


Fellas, let me ask you a question, why is it that when YOU get something good you always feel the need to share it with your friends? When was the last time they shared anything with you, are you as loyal to them as they are loyal to you? Well let me tell you this when I find something or someone I really fuck with I go hard some say maybe a little too hard. As a Taurus we are emotional people and wear our hearts on our sleeve. The downfall to that is that we don't always know how to express our feelings without coming on to strong. 


I'm as loyal a friend as I am a lover so when you ask me to do something for you I will always comply to please you. But in the end I ended up hurting myself and what "could have been". The things that I dude for you was because I wanted to prove myself but the drama that surrounded us after that has lead me to believe that I might have made a mistake. Ask yourself what is more important your happiness or pleasing your friends and I should ask myself if he really cares for you the way that you do would he make you compromise yourself to please his friends. But wait i'm not putting it all on "him" because I have a say in what I do and he is not the bad guy in the picture, the real culprit is emotions and why in the world it is so hard for people both male and female to express themselves.


I'm torn between a rock and a hard place, because I'm feeling the shit out of "him" but we are not going to get anywhere with everyone's hand in the cookie jar. Obviously there is no relationship situation happening, but we must decided either we are Friends With Benefits or its a Business situation. Its safe to say that YOU can't handle both so a decision needs to be made. It may sound harsh but feelings are eventually going to get hurt and they will most likely be mine so i'm trying to spare myself the pain and drama. Trust me Nicole is a big girl and has been through alot of trials and tribulations so just do me one favor when responding; BE HONEST!!! 
I will respect you more for your honesty I was once told " I'd rather hear the ugly truth then be told a beautiful lie"

I"LL BE WAITING!!!!

Playing Your Position: Should You Stay or Should You Go

So in listening to Pleasure P's latest hit: "Boyfriend # 2" people have been asking me what do you think Nicole? What can I say I have been in this situation and from both ends. I have been someone's number 2 and also have kept a spare on the side (in case of emergencies).
Like all situations having a number two requires rules that must be followed at all times. I will provide a few samples for your reading pleasures:

1) Once a number two always a number. There is no such thing as moving up when you play second fiddle. This rule should be established immediately, no need in false hope or playing with emotions.
2) You were chosen for one reason or another. For instance the main relationship may almost be perfect but you can contribute to what is missing. Do not mistake this for love it is what it is.
3) There are no perks to being a number two, you will play the sideline for as long as you can handle it. Forcing your hand may or will result in termination of positon.
4) Keep in mind just because you are called the number 2 does not mean that you are the only one. If we could find all the qualities we are looking for in our main boo there would be no need for you.
5) Sex with the number two is usually good because all inhibitions go out the door. You might not have sex with that person often so when you do it must I repeat must be mind blowing. If it slacks then we might just rethink why you are the replacement in the first place
6) There is no kissing, no unprotected sex, and definitely no dates in areas where you can be recogonized.

Now tell yourself after reading some of the requirements why in the hell would you want to subject yourself to that. No man or woman is that amazing that would make you lower your self worth just for a chance to be with them. They are never gonna leave their partner no matter what they say to you. And by chance if they do leave there partner how long do you think it would last with you. Shit, he/she is cheating on their partner with you what makes you think they will or want to change. You are setting yourself up for failure.

There are a lot of people looking for love in all the wrong places. Why waste your love and most importantly your time on someone who doesn't care. Wouldn't you rather be alone than being used like a piece of meat and then thrown away. Especially the woman!!! My next blog is dedicated to the baby mommas, the main girls and the women on the side.

In closing let me just say there is no dick or pussy in the world that should make you the butt of jokes or the object of songs. Don't get Pleasure P wrong, Number 2's are there for a reason but before you make a decision just ask yourself: Is It Really Worth It?

Walking With Ghosts....

The past is just like earth bound spirits waiting to cross over. They will remain a constant presence until you address them. We all have a past but none like mine. You may wonder why is it all about her well for one "It's my blog!!!!" And my past has been haunting me for almost 15 yrs its time to confront the spirits and let them cross over and close that chapter of my life. Now what you might encounter next will not be pretty for either of us, but its definitely something that I must do.

Many of you might not know this because I tend to keep a lot inside but at the age of fifteen I met my first love(or so I thought). It was the best 11 months of my life(well for fifteen) but it ended just as fast as it started. Life as I knew it then was over. I felt used and abused and wondered why I couldn't have a relationship like other girls my age. I was never a fast girl more like the shy type. Anyway that's neither here nor there. What happened over the next 18 months led me on a path of destruction and if I can save any females out there than this blog will serve its purpose.

I was the quiet girl in the neighborhood under my mother's watchful eye. We were inseparable if you saw one the other was not to far away. I was let off my lease for school purposes and household chores only. It was a weekday on Spring break where I thought my luck had changed. A guy that that lived in my building whom I had a crush on paid me attention. He chatted me up for a few while i did the laundry and invited me back to his apartment. As naive as I was the only answer I knew was yes. We stepped off the elevator and proceeded to his apartment. He told me to have a seat and offered me some soda I declined. The bedroom door opened and his cousin and another guy came out. I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach but ignored it. (Tip # 1 always trust your guy)

I got up and said i think its time to go but my neighbor assured me there is nothing to worry about they were leaving. I knew something was wrong but decided to stay instead of leaving. There are things you ant to forget but 15 years later it plays in my mind like it was yesterday. My neighbor said he was going to run to the store and would be back shortly. Five minutes later I was in a bathroom with his cousin and friend being forced to do unimaginable acts for a fifteen year old. They could care less that I was crying and screaming for them to stop. To shut me up he held his hands around my neck and choked me until i passed out. Who knows what else went on all i know is that i woke up in front of my apartment door bruised and half naked with a towel over me. My aunt found me like that after I had not returned from the laundry.

I never fully recovered from that act of violence and it was not the last time that I was raped. It seemed like a normal occurence which led me to believe that if i no longer fought it and just give them what they want they would grow bored. I now know that what I was doing was enabling guys to abuse me and treat me like shit. It took me 14 years to realize that i am worth more than what is in between my legs and I am here to show you females both young and old that we can not let the past dictate our future.

We must cross these spirits over and let the past move on. We are better than we were yesterday and what we will become tomorrow. I insist that if you or anyone you know has gone thru a tragic experience you do not remain silent talk to someone anyone. If you need a helping hand I am always here with resources. Contact me at straighttalkseriousproblems@gmail.com

The Start of Something Beautiful

Some people ask what makes you qualified to give advice to anyone and my answer is simple. My life... There are things that no person should experience or be exposed too. It can take a toll on one's judgements, relationships and self esteem. I believe that if a situation that I have experienced can help some one make the right choice or heal them in any way then I am definitely game for it. Now just to warn you some of the things you may read can be cruel or harsh but thats life and its one that I have experienced. This is not for the weak of heart or judgmental. Let us begin I think it all started at the age of fifteen. If there is a subject or topic that you would like discussed just shoot me an email at straighttalkseriousproblems@gmail.com

Check back weekly as I will be posting more stories and answering all emails received.

Til Then,

Nicole

Life As I Know It

I've never claimed to have all the answers to life's many questions but I can give my insight on the things i have experienced in my 28 yrs on this planet. There are things in life that no human being should be subjected to but believe it or not I have been through them all. A lot of people have asked Nicole why don't you write a book or start a non profit organization. The main reason for that is because I have not completely closed the chapter of that part of my life. What qualifies me to tell other young women how to start the healing process if I haven't done so myself.

Its been about 13 yrs since my first traumatic experience and I think its about time that I put it out there and then move on from it. If I don't I'll just carry it for the rest of my life and have it affect my well being. But why start there i wonder in order to fully put the pieces of my life in order I must start at the beginning. From this day forth I will write from a chapter in my life that I need closure. I don't expect to find the answers but in order to heal I have to break down the wall that I built up and repair my wound, this is a promise I make not only to myself but to my daughter and loved ones. I will be a changed person and break the cycle before it even begins. Follow me on my journey and together we can learn.

Part Time Friends

One thing I will never get is a part time friend. Thats never been me and never will be. I'm the friend that you can always turn to in your time of need and when I need you the most I need you to be in my corner.

Let me give you an example of a part time friend. These last two weeks I have endured some serious drama (of the medical persuasion). I've had to go back and forth between doctor's appoinments and emergency visits. This one particular friend was aware of the situation and promised that if I needed him he would be there no questions asked. Fine thats great and all but when the call for help came he was nowhere to be found.
Hours after I left several messages for him, i get a text from him sayin "My bad I'm at the pool". What kind of shit is that? You got all my message and never once did you think to return my call.
The last straw presented itself on Saturday. This appointment had to be rescheduled so he knew two weeks in advance what was going on. Two days before the appointment ask him will he be available to pick me up, and this no good negro had the nerve to tell me. "Oh i'm goin to a wedding that day." What the hell? People plan weddings in advance, how in the hell are you just now telling me about this.
So alone at the doctor's office at 8:15 in the morning, everyone is texting me telling me good luck and sending well wishes. Nothing from this asshole. Its now 2 o'clock in the afternoon and finally a text from this so called "friend". I'm thinking he's gonna ask how did everything go, no its a fucking picture message asking me how he looks? Again I say, Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

I consider myself the kind of friend that will always be there for you, but when the goin gets tough, people show their true fucking colors. Til this day I have never heard the words, how was your doctor visit, is everything good?
So I ask am I wrong for feeling such hatred towards this person. Or is it justifiable. I say take a look in the mirror and tell me who wants a Part Time Friend? I know my answer is definitely, Not Me.

Free Your Mind And The Rest Will Follow

Okay so the year is off to an okay start but I refuse to enjoy a new year with old bullshit on my mind. I decided this is the forum to spill it all out.I have learned a lot of lessons last year and I feel like I need to share this one with you guys (or whoever reads my blog ). Lets start :

Friends
Not everyone you meet has your best interest in heart, some people are just selfish assholes who use you to get what they need out of life.
When I consider someone my friend it never crosses my mind to use them or treat them like shit. Case in point, I had a friend who is married we would kick it on occasion and go to happy hours, shopping, you know the usual girl stuff. It was great actually having a female friend that I can talk to and bounce ideas off of. Well little did I know I was the part of an elaborate plan.
I never understood why her husband would always look at me funny or be concerned when he learned me and his wife were going to hang for the night until it became clear that our trips to the mall, or happy hours was just a front to tell her husband she was with me and giving her the opportunity to flirt and fuck other niggas. Blame everything on the "single" friend who likes to party huh???
It didn't become clear to me until the unevitable happened and she sexed my friend on my bed right next to me. No shame in her game right. I mean they were two grown consenting adults but don't use me as the fall guy to your spouse. Ya feel me!!!
To me its a one time thing nothing to be worried or concerned about, but when that same dude starts poppin up in the same places we are at thats a red flag right there. To each its own cheat to your heart is content but keep my name out of your mouth and don't use me as an excuse when you get caught and hang my black ass out to dry.

Lesson Learned
Real friends come a dime a dozen and will have your back no matter what. But when or if you grow apart let it go. You've learned all you can from the situation and its time to move on. That is what I did, I never snitched to your husband about how your a lying slut maybe that was another friend. I bear no hard feelings or ill will but I can no longer look at you in the same light so I choose not to look at you or communicate with you in any way shape or form. Good luck with your life and I hope you learned your lesson that dick is not worth ruining a marriage. you have two kids now, try to be a good mother to your daughter and son and a better wife to your husband.

Friends With Benefits

So it has truly been a minute since I did the blog them but i'm bout to step my game up and you should be seeing a lot more blogs from me from now on. So lets get to todays topic- Friends With Benefits.

In this day and age it seems that people are more likely to have a FWB than a relationship, but why is that? I understand about committment and trust issues but aren't you trust and committing your body to this so called friend. I don't know about you but Friends with Benefits are much harder to maintain than a relationship. How can you give your body to someone but deteach all feelinsg for that person.
Hey but to each its own. I can't knock anyone that has an FWB (i've surely had my share) but is it wrong to settle for an FWB instead of just getting into a "typical" relationship?

Please feel free to share your opinions and any suggestions.

If I Had My Way

Okay so i'm back again I told you I was on my blog shit again. Today its not a discussion more like some things I need to get off my chest. So here we go.

I have always had a hard time expressing my true feelings, not sure if that just stems from my parents or the trauma I experienced as a teenager. For some reason when I like someone instead of me saying how I really feel I dance around the subject until either that person just grows uninterested or I talk myself out of what I am really feeling.

For once I would just love to go up to this person and lay it all on the line and see what happens. Is it fear of rejection or is that what I am feeling isn't really true. I mean there has to be some feelings you can't spend time with someone, be intimate with someone and just walk away like nothing even happened. I mean we speak everyday and everyday I tell myself, today will be the day that I let him know how I really feel. But by the end of the phone call nothing has been accomplished.

The best way that I express myself is in writing and I tried a letter but I can't bring myself to give it to him. So I'll lay into all on the line right now and hopefully he will read this (I doubt it)

I realy like you and the time we spend together no matter how short it may be it brings a smile to my face. I know you probably want to take your time and see whats out there but when you are ready just know I am willing and ready to take that next step with you. Hopefully you feel the same way about me and even if you don't that will never effect the way I feel about you and I will continue to spend time with you.

Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Guys

Guys have been asking this question since the beginning of time (or at least I think so) so here it is from my P.O.V. (Point of View) of course. Now some may disagree but I am one to give it to you straight no chaser. Buckle your seatbeats cuz we are in for a bumpy ride.

Question: Okay I was asked by a gentleman "Why is it that woman say they want a good man but they continue to mess with the "bad" boys? Okay women, lets be honest since we were little girls we were always told that we need to find Prince Charming in order to live happily ever after. Cinderella found him, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, shit even Belle turned her beast into a kind loving prince. But those are just make believe. Is there really a such thing as a good man. I mean don't get me wrong even man has the potential to be a good man but things in his life turn him in other directions. As far as women finding and keeping a good man well thats another blog ( coming soon). Okay lets get back on subject.

I'm not gonna speak for every woman because every woman is not as honest and brutal as I am but from my experiences in life, good men are hard to find. There is no perfect man out there each one comes with their own emotional scars and issues that they need to work through. For me I guess its easy to pick the bad ones because you don't expect to much from there. You know they are not going to hokd your hand in public, maybe they will caall you maybe they won't. You get used to routines, but then when you come across a potential good man you never recognize them. They usually aren't the guys that you expect. They are the guys that call you just to see how you are doing, or the ones you can call when you are having a bad day or because your "boyfriend" is being a complete asshole. We push these guys off to the side because we consider them "weak" or just like one of the girls. They hang around hoping that we will finally notice them but by the time that we do they have already moved on to someone else.

Many of us know who the good men are but they are no longer interested. At the time they were able to take us with our emotional baggage and flows and all. But now that we realized what we have passed on we beat ourselves up and just start the cycle over and over again, one bad guy after another. Eventually we will kiss enough frogs and finally find our prince. But only after we have come to terms with the flaws and bad decisions in life will we be able to live Happily Ever After with Our Prince Charming.

I just hope I haven't blown my chance with my potential Prince Charming.

Lets Get Some Things Straight

Lets get to the point, I am not nor will I ever be someone's jumpoff or a quick fuck. Granted I may have some questionable pictures up on a few social networking sites ,but does that give you the right to disrespect me. I am someone's daughter and a mother to a nine year old. I am the most honest female you will ever meet and will never sell myself short to make a nigga feel good about himself.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. I'm tired of these dudes that approach me with the same game they give the high school bitches. I am 28 yrs old and deserve something better like the truth. If you aren't honest to yourself about what you want or need from a female then please just save yourself the trouble and don't approach me. I'm not saying that I am god's gift to man, god knows I have my own flaws but at least I am real about them and if you ask me what they are I will gladly tell you.