Walking With Ghosts....

The past is just like earth bound spirits waiting to cross over. They will remain a constant presence until you address them. We all have a past but none like mine. You may wonder why is it all about her well for one "It's my blog!!!!" And my past has been haunting me for almost 15 yrs its time to confront the spirits and let them cross over and close that chapter of my life. Now what you might encounter next will not be pretty for either of us, but its definitely something that I must do.

Many of you might not know this because I tend to keep a lot inside but at the age of fifteen I met my first love(or so I thought). It was the best 11 months of my life(well for fifteen) but it ended just as fast as it started. Life as I knew it then was over. I felt used and abused and wondered why I couldn't have a relationship like other girls my age. I was never a fast girl more like the shy type. Anyway that's neither here nor there. What happened over the next 18 months led me on a path of destruction and if I can save any females out there than this blog will serve its purpose.

I was the quiet girl in the neighborhood under my mother's watchful eye. We were inseparable if you saw one the other was not to far away. I was let off my lease for school purposes and household chores only. It was a weekday on Spring break where I thought my luck had changed. A guy that that lived in my building whom I had a crush on paid me attention. He chatted me up for a few while i did the laundry and invited me back to his apartment. As naive as I was the only answer I knew was yes. We stepped off the elevator and proceeded to his apartment. He told me to have a seat and offered me some soda I declined. The bedroom door opened and his cousin and another guy came out. I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach but ignored it. (Tip # 1 always trust your guy)

I got up and said i think its time to go but my neighbor assured me there is nothing to worry about they were leaving. I knew something was wrong but decided to stay instead of leaving. There are things you ant to forget but 15 years later it plays in my mind like it was yesterday. My neighbor said he was going to run to the store and would be back shortly. Five minutes later I was in a bathroom with his cousin and friend being forced to do unimaginable acts for a fifteen year old. They could care less that I was crying and screaming for them to stop. To shut me up he held his hands around my neck and choked me until i passed out. Who knows what else went on all i know is that i woke up in front of my apartment door bruised and half naked with a towel over me. My aunt found me like that after I had not returned from the laundry.

I never fully recovered from that act of violence and it was not the last time that I was raped. It seemed like a normal occurence which led me to believe that if i no longer fought it and just give them what they want they would grow bored. I now know that what I was doing was enabling guys to abuse me and treat me like shit. It took me 14 years to realize that i am worth more than what is in between my legs and I am here to show you females both young and old that we can not let the past dictate our future.

We must cross these spirits over and let the past move on. We are better than we were yesterday and what we will become tomorrow. I insist that if you or anyone you know has gone thru a tragic experience you do not remain silent talk to someone anyone. If you need a helping hand I am always here with resources. Contact me at straighttalkseriousproblems@gmail.com

The Start of Something Beautiful

Some people ask what makes you qualified to give advice to anyone and my answer is simple. My life... There are things that no person should experience or be exposed too. It can take a toll on one's judgements, relationships and self esteem. I believe that if a situation that I have experienced can help some one make the right choice or heal them in any way then I am definitely game for it. Now just to warn you some of the things you may read can be cruel or harsh but thats life and its one that I have experienced. This is not for the weak of heart or judgmental. Let us begin I think it all started at the age of fifteen. If there is a subject or topic that you would like discussed just shoot me an email at straighttalkseriousproblems@gmail.com

Check back weekly as I will be posting more stories and answering all emails received.

Til Then,

Nicole